it's my birthday

I'm sitting here looking out the window, thinking about the fact that it's my Birthday and that I did nothing to plan or arrange for it at all this year. It's a tradition for me to take this day off, spend the day on my own doing things that I like to do. I missed so much work last week with my back being out, I just couldn't justify missing any more.

Nick and I are going to dinner on Saturday though, a nice Italian restaurant that I really like. Looking forward to that. Other than that, I think this is about it for this year. I plan on talking to Dad and Mom later tonight as promised by them. I got a terrific card from them yesterday. The following is what was printed:

To Be a Man
The man of greatest strength is also one of gentleness.
The most accomplished man learns both from failure and success.
The man of strongest leadership knows how to follow, too-
And that asking help can sometimes be the best thing he can do...
The wisest man of all is one who takes a look within-
To embrace what he's becoming, and to learn from where he's been.
If a man attempts all this (and only someone special can),
Then he truly has the heart and soul it takes to be a man.

You're everything parents could ever hope for, so be proud of who you are
and of the way you live your life.

The following is what was written:
We will call you on your birthday. We want you to know we love you so very much.
Love Dad and Mom

My eyes...ya, they got a little moist (blink, blink, blink).

I got another card yesterday too. This one from my biological mom. Some of you know the scoop on that, and if you read my blog or have been for the last year, you know that things in that department are strained and non-communicative. We don't talk or exchange email, letters, cards or anything. I saw the card in the mail and I swear, I rolled my eyes and groaned. The following is what was printed:

May your days be blessed with happiness,
May you always have good friends to laugh with...
...and may you always know how much you're thought of and loved.

The following is what was written:
Your Grandma is failing fast. We do not think she will make it through the summer. I just thought you would want to know.
Your Mother by Birth

Sigh....

There are so many thoughts and feelings running through me right now. I've kind of hit a stopping point here. Someone said to let them know how it feels to be 38, and while I feel blessed (for lack of a better word), loved, grateful, fortunate, and strong, I am most certainly weary, conflicted, heavy, searching. What I don't feel is old. I'm at a completely different place in my life than I have ever been before, and grateful for my insight and understanding of my past. My present is filled with love and laughter, and I'm constantly searching for the keys to understanding and acceptance of where I'm at now. I think very little of the future, for I know that nothing is as important as right now.



The sun is shining, spring is starting and things are becoming fresh and new. It is my favorite time of year and when I feel the most energy. Please go out and enjoy the renewal today and smile at it's splendor. What an amazing event it is, with bloom, and color, so much energy pulsing through living things all around. Is is not incredible the wonders and sights that we have to enjoy from nature alone? Enjoy the moment and soak up the gift of spring.

Until next time...

Sending you Greenie love.