"Can you start Sunday?"

Okay, so yestedary was just a big poo poo party for me on here. I needed the outlet and I really am fine. I'm pretty sure that this is just a bit of spring fever and frustration over my job etc. I got homo last night and Nick suggested we go to the nursery since it was so nice out. I think he felt bad for me because I was so jealous that he played hookie for two days with his best friend. I'm not gonna deny it, I was REALLY jealous. Even if I play hookie I only have Harlow to keep me company, and that's not a bad thing, she's my best friend.

So we bummed around the nursery for a bit and everyone is all like "are you coming back?" and "when are you coming back?" . Seriously, that's one place that makes me feel good. I'm still working M-F at the office and we're waiting to see when the merger will be finalized. They think sometime in July and at that point it's anyone's guess as to when the pink slips will start to fall like confetti from the sky. Okay, so maybe it's not going to be that big of a party, but that's my reality.

Well, this morning I decided that I needed to do something to alter this mood thingy that's going on with me and I went back to the nursery and spoke with my old boss there. He's just about the nicest guy, he even called me the day that the company announced that they were merging and wanted me to know that I could come back anytime. He's since called to check on me 2 times. Who does that??? We tentativly talked about me coming in on Sundays for now just to help out and I said we would talk about it. Well, I went in today and asked if we could do Sundays and he said 'can you start this weekend?'. Simple as that. I have to say that it was just the best moment. It's really a crazy thing how much I like being there, but it's the truth. Crazy customers and all. I picked up my extra t-shirts and my windbreaker and signed my w-2 and then called my sweetie to let him know that I was starting on Sunday. Ooops! probably should of checked with him first, but he was cool about it, cuz that's the loving supportive man that he is.

Things aren't right with the world yet, I'm still struggling today and the tears, the tears are begging to be let go. I just haven't found the right moment or the right trigger to get there. I was awake for most of the morning hours from about 3am on trying to get back to sleep. I think I did around 6am.

You would think with all the times that I have been uprooted and moved, or started over that this time would of been cake. But this time I was much more established and settled. I had a community and sense of self there. I'm literally starting from scratch here. I'm confident that things are going to work out. I'm just having a growth moment. Right? Ya, that's what I thought too.